no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
