We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
