Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
