hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize