i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
