Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
