i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
