Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
