hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My life is pants optional.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
