it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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