I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
