i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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