Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
