A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
