he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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