You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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