He felt like a one man threesome
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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