I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
