It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
