I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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