i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's never too late to be topless.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
