THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
