Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
