you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
