I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
