I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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