Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
