okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
