I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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