I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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