did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
