dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
