epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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