Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.