What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.