You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn