I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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