Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
