Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
