gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
