there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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