okay pat passed out under dana's car
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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