I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
