When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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