I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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