I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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