i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize