ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize