He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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