JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
