I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is Oprah even human
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
