WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
