Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
