I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
