you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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