Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
