I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
