I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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