Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just tell him i said nine months
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
