Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude i'm inner monologue high
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
