let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
