hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
