Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
