I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
