Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
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I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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