Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
did you just send me my own nude
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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