I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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