Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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